Monday, October 9, 2017

6 Signs that You're Burning Out



Hello all,

I really feel the need to share with you this post. It was inspired by a recent case study that's been going on for the past couple of months.

6 Signs that you are burnt out: 


1. You have no desire whatsoever to continue the project. 

And when I say that you have no desire, I mean that you have no desire. Nothing, not even failing the project, can get you motivated. Your brain literally REFUSES to function.

2. You have frequent spells of crying, anger, frustration, etc. 

Or, worst case scenario, you end up with all three at once.

3. You do anything to avoid the project.

Like... to the point when you drive out of the state once a week for an entire day. Literally. 

4. You feel that the project is a total waste of your time (or worse, money).

This is the worst feeling ever. This is when the doubting thoughts really start rampaging through.

5. If you try to perservere, you feel ten times worse. 

You still feel the obligation to try to finish, even if it means finishing badly. But the mental fog is increasingly difficult to pierce, and your body is steadfastly refusing to apply itself.

6. The quality of your work decreases. Drastically. 

And when I mean drastically, I mean like a drop from A grade papers to C grade papers kind of drastically. 

Okay.

Enough pretending.

Remember that I said that this was inspired by a case study?

That case study has, unfortunately, been myself.

No, the project is not Seeds of an Orchard Invisible. It's graduate school.

Let me explain.

Most of you know that I graduated college this past may. Well, I was starting to feel the beginning signs of burnout then but I chalked it up to plain senioritis. Summer job would fix that. It did before.

The next few months was taken up with a very intense summer internship up in a brand new state...another 8 hours from my house. In that internship, I was doing some very tedious and detail-chocked research as well as learning to interpret historic agriculture in a totally different time and setting that I was used to. As time dragged, my research was becoming very boring, and I was starting to lose focus. I pushed myself to do the very best I could, and wound up impressing my boss with the quality of my work. 

Less than a week after my internship ended, I moved again...this time to a neighboring state to the one that I worked in. Still, it was a new state again, the 5th I've lived in the past year.
My workload tripled over time. I started a new job that I quickly hated. I tried to work more on family genealogy and started volunteering at the place I worked this summer. Both provided mental releases, but that burnout that started in May was growing...exponentially.

End of September rolls around. My interest in my schoolwork is waning very fast, and my retention is dropping even faster. I started having crying jags on a regular basis and bungling simple assignments. When I started having crying jags at work, I knew I had to do something.

I met with the chair of the History department, who is my supervisor. We tried to work out a few solutions. However, things spiraled very quickly out of control the next week. After receiving a particularly deserving bad grade on a paper that I had slapped together, I had a full emotional breakdown - to the point that I shouted to my family over the phone that I wanted to quit and come home right then and there.

I haven't felt like I needed to quit something with this intensity ever since I was eleven. That time, eleven-year-old me was being made to teach 4-year-olds how to do simple dance steps. The girls would want to do anything but learn the steps - most of the time, they wanted to talk. I'm not a talker, I'm a task doer. That experience has taught me that I'm not cut out to be a teacher.

Now, this isn't my first case of severe burnouts - one happened in sophomore year of undergrad. That was strictly just being overwhelmed. I had a nit-picky professor (very similar to a current professor that I have now) that gave me heck over papers. I responded to his challenge and won. But that took a severe toll on me mentally. Scaling back on involvement on campus and a summer job cured that case of burnout.

This time, this burnout is so severe that it's causing me to have a depression. Looking back, I realize that I haven't had a true vacation in at least three years. Three years of intense working and studying has taken a major toll on me mentally and now physically.

That's why I've been scaling back on my Rebellious Writing stuff. That's why I had such a blogging summer, and now am scaling back on that. I'm not worrying whether SOI actually makes it to Rooglewood or not. Never fear, it will be written. But I need to gain some mental stability before that happens. 

I'm in the process of attempting to get a temporary leave of absence from the university. Whether it turns permanent or not will depend on my mental state and the employment options that I have.

I apologize that this post turned from informative to ranty/emotional. I didn't intend for this to be as personal as it came out to be. This is the first that anyone, besides certain family members, have heard of this. But it's time that I acknowledged that I'm hurting. After all, it's the first step to healing, isn't it? 

Please pray for me, y'all.

Scribblingly yours,

Catherine

22 comments:

  1. I think I'm burntout on life...

    I'll be praying for you, that is so hard. I am going through something similar as well. :/

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  2. Oh Gray! I'm so sorry! I'll pray for you as well, this is not something to go at alone...

    If you don't mind me asking, when was the last time you took a break/vacation?

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    1. Oh, it's fine! But thanks. :)

      I actually can't remember, but foster families don't get breaks really, we get stressful holds. We actually have a new kid in our house tonight, she's three and already harming herself, it's depressing. So she's the one who needs prayer.

      We'll be fine, I hope you'll be as well! ^_^

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    2. Oh my gosh...that's rough. Poor girl. Definitely will pray for her tonight.

      In the meantime, don't be afraid to scale back a bit, or try something new. That's what I've found helps. Just don't let that burnout fester like mine did.

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  3. I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling, Catherine. I will definitely pray for you. Make sure not to feel guilty on cutting back on various projects; you truly deserve a break. <3 Take this time to focus on yourself, God, and family!

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    1. Thank you Melissa! I think that's what I need to do, is focus on God, myself, family and friends. I haven't been doing that that much, and I need to.

      Appreciate the prayers so much!

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  4. I was having this because of life in general about this time last year. (Due to surgery stuff and people leaving my church and my BFF breaking my heart and then a bunch of smaller stuff on top of that.) so I completely get where you're coming from. I am so, so sorry that you're going through this, Catherine. I'm praying for you to have peace, wisdom, and strength, and that God will give you either the perseverance to get through this or the ability to take a break. You're strong; you're brave. You were made in His image. I'm praying for you. You can do this. :)

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    1. Thank you so much Faith! I'm definitely reviewing the options, and praying all the way. I may not be strong all the time, but that is what God is for. I hope your load gets lighter!

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  5. I'm so glad you're doing better now! I can totally relate right now with school work. Some Days it's like, "Yes! I can finish biology, geometry, and latin, still have time for violin and then go to dance!!" And other days it's like, "BURN THE SCHOOL BOOKS. QUIT DANCE. SMASH MY VIOLIN. I'M NEVER GOING TO FINISH ANYTHING." Those two expressions were really accurate...

    ~Cecilia
    http://alooongtimeagoinagalaxyfarfaraway.blogspot.com/

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    1. Yes, they are! That's exactly what I felt at the beginning of the semester. Things are getting better now that I'm talking about my options with others. Thank you Cecilia (I promise I'll get to your tag when all this mess gets settled).

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  6. This post is similar to what I've been going through. Trying to figure out life after high school is stressful. I want to get a job and I have to get my adult driving permit, but the dps made it hard and everything is just crazy. I decided a while ago I didn't want to go to college. I know God has spoken to my heart on what I'm meant to do, but I just don't know how to get there.

    I feel your pain and I'm sorry this is happening. I'm glad you were able to take a step back from school to take a breath. I hope you're able to get everything straightened out and get back on the road God has set for you, be it back to school or somewhere else.

    God bless you, Catherine!
    ~Ivie

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    1. Thank you Ivie! I'm working to get that break - it isn't official yet. I know being an adult is never an easy adjustment, hang in there!

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  7. Prayers to you, dear girl! There is a season for everything, I truly believe, and for whatever reason, God is allowing you to go through this. Perhaps it is so that you can share with another young lady who is going through the same thing how you grew in your faith and spirit despite all the negativity and depression. He loves you! And He's in control. I know that's probably NOT what you wish to hear right now, but in my times of doubt, fear, worry, despair, I've learned to find comfort and peace. Trust Him, and He'll see you through. :]

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    1. Thank you Sarah! Actually, all of that has been at the forefront of my mind. My daily Rosary hasn't failed to give me comfort these days. And I do wish to help others that are going through this - learn from my mistakes!

      I think I needed a lesson in humility and trust, and I'm learning it now. I also should have listened a little closer when God said that I need to get closer to my family. I thought that I needed to study my genealogy, but I think it's spending more time with them. I need to get some clarification on that still, but that will come, I'm sure.

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  8. Oh...Catherine, I hope you feel better soon.
    -Quinley

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    1. Thank you, Tes! I'm starting to feel better, now that things are out in the open and I'm not hiding anymore.

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  9. God has strength, peace, and wisdom - and all you need is Him!

    I'm sorry you're going through this, Catherine, and I pray you won't feel so burned out. <3

    Just remember, God is still good. :)

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    1. Amen! Praying daily reminds me of that. Hopefully when the break becomes official I can do just that.

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  10. Prayers, Catherine! It's so awful to feel burnt out. :( I'll remember you in my rosary today!

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    1. Thank you Lucy!!! I appreciate that so much.
      Things are starting to pick already. My advisors and I decided that I'm going to withdraw from school. So it's been a flurry of activity today signing papers and talking to people. Hopefully I will be at home within the next few days. I'll post again with an update after things settle down.

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  11. Catherine,
    "The struggle you're in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow, Don't give up!"
    It is okay to cry, it is okay to make sacrifices to get through things, but what ever happens remember that we are all here for you and praying for you. Times can be hard, and it makes it so much easier if you step back from a things. Get a lot of sleep, and give yourself at least 10 minutes of you time every day. Things WILL get better, you can do it.

    Go out there and be amazing!

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    1. Thank you MovieCritic!!! I really did need that reminder....

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Oh! Were you going to drop a note? Please do! I love little notes!
I only ask that they be polite and clean. Check back, I usually reply! ~ Catherine